When Work Gets Awkward

This just happened, I was sitting at work and the phone rang, I answered and went to tell my boss that his client was on the phone. He was standing up and rubbing his crotch. I immediately turned around was walking out the door and he said “Im still not used to having someone work here” I walked out of his office and heard him say “F@#$”.

 

I cannot tell you how uncomfortable this made me feel. He walked up to where my desk is and started playing it like nothing happened. Told me different things about the calendar. But Honestly I can’t get that image out of my head.

I am by no means at all attracted to my boss and have never been in this situation in my life. I truly just wanted to run out of here. I only have an hour left until I can go home. And I will not be waking into my bosses office anytime soon.

Work just got incredibly awkward. I can’t even look at him in a professional way anymore. AHHHHH

 

work life better then home life

Im pretty sure my work life is better then my home life. Even though I do nothing here but answer the phone on the rare occasion that it rings.

My parents came to visit last weekend and I am still recovering from the activities we did. Honestly I don’t excessive much so when they came all we did was run around and do activities.

Honestly, my parents never liked “Florida” they would characterize him as being a “bad” kid. We have been on and off since high school. He knows everything about me as I do him. But lately things have been changing. Our communication in person is great. But, recently we haven’t had any intimate time. Im curious if he’s cheating on me.

The past has told me that if you think the other is cheating its probably true. I came home yesterday and he rushed outside like the house was on fire. I jumped in the shower and got dressed and then he appeared like nothing happened. Everything seemed normal, The normal discussion of whats for dinner and what movie we were going to watch.

After dinner we started Stephen Kings “IT” Ive seen it before. Im starting to fall asleep and he gets mad and says we never spend time together. I literally couldn’t care about that so I fell asleep.

Meanwhile he stays up to who knows how late doing god knows what. Then in the morning I am the only one who wakes up and goes to work. He sits at home. Its not like we don’t like each other. I just feel like he is pulling away from me. I get irritated because once again Im stuck trying to figure out how to pay my bills and put food in the fridge so he can cook.

I don’t have a good relationship with his parents because I don’t want one. His mother is very over protective of him and they both gossip about me behind my back. So I gave up on that. The other day “Florida” showed up at my work. No idea he even knew where I worked. In fact he calls my work phone all the time just to say “hi” unfortunately I don’t believe this is “cute” I think he is making sure I am working. I don’t think he trusts me.

Well I don’t trust him either. He went outside a few nights ago and thats something he rarely does. Im usually outside vaping. So things are a little strange. I did look at his phone at 3 am but I don’t know the password. Its like I want to catch him even though he may not be doing anything wrong.

 

 

Everything is perfectly fantastic

Everyday is the same.

I wake up around 6am, drag my ass to get dressed, carry a bunch of stuff that I don’t need sit in traffic for hours then I am at work by 7. I get the mail, check email, answer phones and mostly just sit. I do nothing. This pattern has been going on for so long now that I have lost my interest in coming to work. In fact I want to go home right now. But , Truth is I would rather get paid to do nothing then to go home and not to get paid to do the same thing.

Everything is bothering me, my bosses voice is bothering me, even the squeaking noise of the 20 yr old printer next to me is bothering me. The phone rang once this morning, and it has been 3 hours of me playing a stupid game on my phone.

I haven’t been feeling like myself, I hate going home at night, even though I can’t wait to get in my car once 4:30 hits. I keep pretending Im okay when I am not. Ive never been so bored and stressed in my life.

 

My life is not written by Hollywood

Last night was the worst. It all started after I came back from working for 10 hours straight. Florida had called and texted asking when I would be home. I called him and apologized and came home.

In all honesty it’s becoming harder and harder to go home. Nothing has been cleaned up or done by the time I get there. He currently is focusing on music and thats great but, I don’t know how long I can Support him.

The other day I went through his car and found a bank receipt would you believe he actually has more money in his bank account then I do and I work!! I pay for everything. HE doesn’t know that I HAVE NO MONEY!

We watched a movie only because if I didn’t he would get angry, so I forced myself to stay up until 10pm. After the movie ended he said something to me that basically lit a match and a fight erupted.

Heres how it went. I said , “Im really proud of you” because I was proud of him. I know how much he struggled with everything and he’s picking himself up. He just responded like “You sometimes make my life miserable” I jumped out of his bed , shocked to say the least. I wanted to go outside and vape but , I knew there was more to this story. So I sat there and listened to every horrible thing he felt about me. Then I had enough and blew up. “If you think I’m such a blond, bubble, dumb, negative, miserable person then why are you with me”

I felt so powerful saying everything in that one sentence. He replied with “stop yelling” I yelled only because “I don’t feel important, sure I have depression and you can’t save me but you are hurting my feelings!” He told me not to play the victim card, why?? ¬†because apparently I always play that card.

Funny he’s actually the one dealing the cards. My mom told me that “we except the treatment we think we deserve” well.. I don’t deserve to be treated such way; like I don’t matter , I am not important. He is afraid of letting me into his life. HE has to hide me from his friends.

What kind of bullshit is that. He told me he was sick of trying to make me feel better. Well Im just sick of trying. Im hitting the same wall and thinking its going to be different but, it won’t be. At around midnight I have had more then my fair share of arguing back and forth that I just said “Thank you for trying to cheer me up when I get home from work” I went outside and Vaped.

ALONE… there I was outside, I have no friends or family here. I saw him through the kitchen window but, he didn’t look like he cared. He walked past the glass sliding doors and in my head I believed that he would open them and say “Im sorry” but my life is not written by Hollywood. He continued to walk to “his” room and shut the door.

I then cried myself to sleep. Woke up at 5:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I am now at work because I can’t take a day off to be in a house with someone that thinks I make his life miserable. I have never felt so sick , tired, basically incredibly low. I know he won’t call or text me. Because thats how he is. “feel sorry for me…” no I won’t. HE doesn’t have to work at all. HE doesn’t have to get up early . He has no idea how this feels . I feel so sick to my stomach. Ive contemplated going home but I can’t. I am not wanted there.

Tonight he is going to a meeting. THANK GOD. I don’t want him near me. In fact if I feel up for it, I might even put my stuff in boxes. I don’t feel like he would even blink an eye. I will act like I don’t exist because thats how he makes me feel.

Its to late to play the sick card since my boss walked in. ughhhh….. I want to literally sleep in my chair. Hope this day goes by fast, as fast as my sleepless night. Im shaking because I chugged coffee and I don’t drink coffee. UGH I dislike him, coffee, and work right now. TGIF and yet again spending the entire weekend with him. FML.

3rd day and I’m already in trouble :(

Its my 3rd day at my job. At least today I am not as tired. I think my body is getting used to waking up early and having 6 hours of sleep. My back has never hurt so much in my life. There is no one here yet again. I am alone. Most people would like this but Id much rather have someone to talk to .

Today isn’t going to great. I made a mistake when I answered the phone and was threatened by my boss via email about firing me the next time I do that. Part of me wants to say fine I quit because this job is so boring. But, the other part of me can’t because I have to figure out how to support myself. Ive blown through most of my savings and haven’t ¬†told my “bf” about it. Its beyond stressful. I hate being the only one who pays for things. He sits at home all day and does nothing while I sit here and do nothing but get paid for it.

 

Last night I went on Facebook and his relationship status had changed. When I talked to him about it he just said “no we didn’t break up”This was at 11pm I just dropped it and tried to go to sleep. I just don’t know how to save this relationship. I think we are just with each other because its easy. When I leave from work I am in no rush to get home , Its hard to pretend to be nice to someone when I have worked all day while he probably played on my PS4 Pro all day. I haven’t touched the stupid system since we got it. He acts like it is his. It was the biggest mistake.

I feel completely alone! we don’t sleep together, we don’t talk and I’m getting sick of cleaning up after his mess. I thought this would be a good move but instead I’m working twice as hard and he doesn’t see that.

From Girlfriend to Roomie

This is the current situation. I finally got a job only took me a month. It’s my second day. I don’t know why I took this job but I did. Basically I answer phones and send emails. Its been over 2 hours and Im sitting here bored, I can only play games on my phone for so long. I decided to write instead.

I live with my “bf” and we picked up a new playstation 4 pro last weekend. I honestly haven’t seen much of him because he basically locks himself in the room and is completely attached to this stupid game system.

I am the only one who works because frankly I think he’s just to lazy to get off his ass. WE DONT even sleep in the same bed. Why?? because I am the only one that has to get up early and I’m not going to go to work sleep deprived due to his video game obsession. Truth be told he keeps me up anyway. I hardly sleep. There is absolutely no sex going on.

He has put on some weight since we moved in together and its not attractive. Also living with someone who does nothing is not sexy. I DO EVERYTHING! CLEAN, TRASH,GROCERY SHOP…. EVERYTHING!!!

I have been questioning this relationship for a while now. Its becoming more and more difficult to live with him where I am not even respected like a “gf” I am more like a roomie.

 

Media influence

I’m watching a movie on Netflix . It’s called white girl. It’s about a girl she meets a drug dealer falls in love he goes to jail and basically tries to bail him out with sex and drug money. 
Mind you I’m clean and sober but this movie is making me think crazy thoughts. How is it that the media has controlled almost everything we say or do?? I’m having a crazy urge to do something wild but why am I thinking like this? I’ve been down that road and I have no desire to do that again but the movie is making it look fun.. it’s not fun, it’s home wrecking.